I figured it was time to update :) Life is fine, finals are coming up and I'm kind of worried. I'll get through. I know I won't fail, but those test could drag me down quite a bit. I could handle a b but if I get a c, wow, I can't imagine what I would do. Well I guess there's nothing you can do but live with it. So that's what I would do. I'm so excited to have time to do something fun. Christmas is just around the bend and I'm so excited. Christmas is my favorite hands down! Plus Steph gets to call on Christmas yay. Well, it's short, but at least it's an update. Luv ya all

Alyssa

I Love the Lord

Sometimes people are so stubborn. I am one of those people. It's so stupid, especially when it comes to the Lord. I have been having a hard time, but I thought that I was praying and trusting the Lord and doing things right. Well, the other day I realized I was just going through the motions. I was not leaning on the Lord at all. It's like when you're leaning up against someone, but you hold yourself up, so it looks like you're leaning on them but you're not really. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I know that the Lord has been drying to help me. It seems that every single lesson that we've had in Institute has been directed right at me. I love the Lord so much. I'm so glad He listens. I pray that I can take that first step in the dark. I know once I do the next direction will be lighted. I just need to trust Him.

Hmmm.....

You know, life really stinks sometimes. You know something, no one reads this blog so I might as well get my feelings out right now. I'm sick and tired of being second best. I have never been the best at anything. I've never been first. It's really hard and sometimes it breaks your heart. Sometimes you feel like you don't matter as much as other people and that really hurts. The worst is when you know you don't matter as much as other people and that hurts the most. And when people say they'll do stuff and then they don't, it's so hard. At first they build you up, and then it's a huge let down because they don't do what they say they will. Soon you start not believing them when they say they'll do something, but you still hold onto some thread of hope only to have it broken when just as you suspected, they don't follow through. It really really stinks! I can't really talk to anyone about it because it sounds petty, but it hurts and I need to get it out. I wish that I would come first sometimes. Right now I feel like I'm always second. Why can't people go out of their way for me sometimes? Why? I know half of this probably isn't true and that I'm just raving because I'm upset, but it's how I feel, and it's not fair that I should feel like this so often. But then the phrase, "fair is where you take the pigs" comes to mind and I know that life isn't fair, but it doesn't make it any less hard.